Tomorrow morning, my first born starts Kindergarten. It's a reality, I must face. My husband and I did admit last week that the thought of home schooling was appealing to us right now. Not that I ever could, but to keep her home, it was appealing.
Now this isn't the first time that I have been away from her. I stayed home with her till she was 18 months old, and then I went back to work, so she was in a full time day care for a while. She has been to pre school and different summer "camps". But it has always been a "safe" environment.
Now when I say safe, I dont necessarily mean security safe, however that thought did cross my mind, but I mean, safe in regards to environment. She has been at our church, where the teachers are extra caring, and extra sweet, and she was the big kid. Now she is going to a school, where they are expected to grow up, be independent, and she is the littlest kid there.
I have to admit it, these fears are mine and my husbands. These are not hers. She is excited about going, excited about new friends, and all the fun things she will do. Field trips, buying her lunch, etc. And I am putting on my brave face for her. She has no idea what I am feeling, my thoughts, or my fears. And she never will, until she has a child of her own, and she experiences these same things. At that point, I will tell her I felt the same way. And that is part of being a mommy, and part of letting your a babies grow up.
Tomorrow will be one of the hardest days of my life. I know it will be ok, I know she will be just fine, and I know I will be fine as well (after I have a few mimosas at the boo hoo breakfast a bunch of us first timers are going to!)
Kids grow up every day, I must accept it, even if I don't like it.